i found a song that realli kinda suits how i feel bout others now...

Many Men (Wish Death) - 50 Cent

Many men, wish death upon me
Blood in my eye dawg and I can't see
I'm trying to be what I'm destined to be
And niggaz trying to take my life away
I put a hole in nigga for fucking with me
My back on the wall, now you gon' see
Better watch how you talk, when you talk about me
Cause I'll come and take your life away

Many men, many, many, many, many men
Wish death 'pon me
Lord I don't cry no more
Don't look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me

[Verse One]
Now these pussy niggaz putting money on my head
Go on and get your refund motherfucker, I ain't dead
I'm the diamond in the dirt, that ain't been found
I'm the underground king and I ain't been crowned
When I rhyme, something special happen every time
I'm the greatest, something like Ali in his prime
I walk the block with the bundles
I've been knocked on the humble
Swing the ox when I rumble
Show your ass what my gun do
Got a temper nigga, go'head, lose your head
Turn your back on me, get clapped and lose your legs
I walk around gun on waist, chip on my shoulder
Till I bust a clip in your face, pussy, this beef ain't over

[Chorus - singing]
Many men, many, many, many, many men
Wish death 'pon me
Lord I don't cry no more
Don't look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on my soul
Somewhere my heart turned cold
Have mercy on many men
Many, many, many, many men
Wish death upon me

[Verse Two]
Some days wouldn't be special, if it wasn't for rain
Joy wouldn't feel so good, if it wasn't for pain
Death gotta be easy, 'cause life is hard
It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred
This if for my niggaz on the block, twisting trees and cigars
For the niggaz on lock, doing life behind bars
I don't see only god can judge me, 'cause I see things clear
Quick these crackers will give my black ass a hundred years
I'm like Paulie in Goodfellas, you can call me the Don
Like Malcolm by any means, with my gun in my palm
Slim switched sides on me, let niggaz ride on me
I thought we was cool, why you want me to die homie?

[Chorus]

[Verse Three]
Every night I talk to god, but he don't say nothing back
I know he protecting me, but I still stay with my gat
In my nightmares, niggaz keep pulling techs on me
Psych says some bitch dumb, put a hex on me
The feds didn't know much, when Pac got shot
I got a kite from the pens that told me, Tuck got knocked
I ain't gonna spell it out for you motherfuckers all the time
Are you illiterate nigga? You can't read between the lines
In the bible it says, what goes around, comes around
Almost shot me, three weeks later he got shot down
Now it's clear that I'm here, for a real reason
'Cause he got hit like I got hit, but he ain't fucking breathing

[Chorus]

get the picture now?

this is the 3rd post i'm postin this mornin', haha. it's 3.36am nw on my comp. clock.
it's nt too late to make a resolution list rite ?
haha. i'm gonna be quite diff. i will try to use those words with 're' to complete ma 're'solution list.
haha. here goes nuthin' =)))))))))

new year's:

-'re'creation:hmm...to use the gym more often, i realli nid to slim dwn. haha. yeah, slim dwn by 30 kilos. lol. i'm currently weighing a hefty 108 kilos!!!! oh my!!!! haha.
at the same time, build up those biceps. hahahaha. =)

-'re'striction:to refrain frm usin the comp. too much. i'm taking ma 'o's this year. i would be at wit's end if i mess it up. my parents aim me to get into a freakin' JC. muz realli buck up n be a gd boy who does his hmwk n revision. esp. Maths =)

-'re'minder:buck up on ma studies n keep on losing those fats. haha. =)

-'re'pent:was quite lazy last year, n now, i'm partially screwed. feels like i muz take ma txt bk where ever i go. =(

-'re'solution:to achieve what i had wanted in ths list, n change ma attitude for the better!!!!!!!!!!! =)

that's abt all of the minimum i could ask maself for in the year 2007.
ha.

was kinda bored n cant seem to slp, so i tot of entertaining maself. haha. cool huh. lol.
aniwae, CRAPPI NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha. its now 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, i finally have time to sit infront of my bloody comp. to blog. juz came back frm Japan last nite n was quite busy unpackin' all my barang-barang, lol.
I covered 2 main cities : Osaka n Tokyo!!!!! it was winter n i had to take the trouble to wear a long-john(some long-sleve inner-wear to keep u warm) below a whole pile(okay, abit xergerratin' hehe) of long sleves clothes !!!!! sometimes in indoors, it feels like wearin' a suana walkin' ard, n get heat stroke ani moment. haha.
it was a grp tour, nd there were 30 of us , i tot it was gonna be fun n memorable, but, wtf, it sux hangin' out wit some of dem bithches. so cocky, so arrogant. there were the 18 of dem, n one of them claims to be the architect of Vivo City, oh yeah, kiss ma @$$.
n there was this noisy shit, he's juz primary 4 n he taliks tooooo much, wat tha hell........
............................................................................
okay, but there were gd times too.
i made frenz wif this 70-odd year old ah pek, Ricardo(cooooool name huh), damn, he was a funny guy, n erm lucky too, he has like 12 children, all grown up nw. hes old, but he could still joke alot, he was someone i sort of respect. lol.
..............................................................................
i rmbed i got 2 cds when i reached Osaka the 1st nite : The Re-Up by Eminem n Crew, and, Chemaically Imbalanced by Ying Yang Twins!!!!!! yeah, HIP HOP!!!! it was an add-on to my x'mas present frm ma dad, he got me this 'Micro Hi-Fi System' frm Philips last week b4 we went to Japan. man, talkin' bout this baby, it plays cds wif powerful bass, it juz ROX!!!! it makes ma heart thump, makes ma room tremble, n probably cause a fissure in ma condo when i blast it to tha max wif my hip hop discs. lol. i regretted nt bringin' ma walkman along to check those 2 cds out, i had to wait until i came back to Singapore. lol.
let me tel ya this, Japan has many many places to xplore n learn about, frm Samurais to Sashimi. they all contribute to the beautiful Japan she is now. i had a mere 9 days trip, well, nt realli enuff to learn everything bt at least i noe Japan is part of Asia. lolx. hahahaha.
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i've enjoyed Tokyo Disneyland, it was realli an amazing place to chill, far much more larger than Hong Kong Disneyland!!!!! those rides , those street events n erm, those cute jap schgirls. hehe.
man, talkin' bout Jap schgirls, i gotta tel u this, they alter their skirts so short even in winter!!!!
hmm......some schgirls were cute n lovely, bt sum, plump n round........
okay, back to Disneyland, i tink i had taken about 7 rides in 6 hrs? haha. it was a week day, so there were'nt alot of ppl, but nonetheless, it was still so packed!!!!!
i also visited DisneySea tha following day, hmph... it wasnt as fun as Disnayland but its worth the money u gt see cute schgirls, hehehehehe.
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souvenirs? yeah, a whole lot of dem, i calculated i've gt maself 20-odd gifts fer maself(okay, i'll giv u one if u beg me, hehe), including those 2 cds!!!!!!!!! ma mom gave me like 10 000 Yen to spend(SGD125, alot huh, hehe), but, most of tha times, she pays fer all those gifts, haha.
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the only pain is communication. neither ma family nor me speaks Japanese, so, it makes it damn to comminicate, but we were quite to be in a grp n there wasnt any hassle moving ard, well, except fer buying things. lolx. it was simply stupid how tha way we communicated. lolx.
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aniwaes, its all over, n i say, HOME IS THE BEST PLACE ON EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!(erm, when u have a loving one, keke), n i juz have those pretty schgirls on ma mind. hahahahahaha.

so, ytd was the last day of the annual camp. hmph......there were fun n fcuk times. slpin' on the tables were nt as bad as tot it was gonna be, it was realli shiok auctually. lolx. the food ? ok...nt too bad =) juz that field-cookin' sux, u gotta make ur lunch in a damn filthy old mass tin over a small wax of fire on top of a freakin' longkang. hahax. bt there was a huge bbq on the 2nd nite n it wasa huge success.(well, to me...hehe...) in my opinion, us being NCOs, broke quite a no. of rules, like gettin the girls to cum over to our bunk after lights out, with dem wearin' shorts. it's juz that simple n we had broken 3 rules.
tokin bout rules, the most memorable incident was when one of us loss the key to our boys' bunk n was forced by the CIs to slp on the groundsheet in the nite of Day 2. it was realli hard to slp on the ground, coz it was so hard that i could hardly slp w/o fidgetin'.
then we found the key after ransackin' the rubbish chute the 3rd day!!! lolx.
nonetheless, the camp's now juz a memory to me n its all over :)

ahhhhhhhh, my blog's died =( ahhhhhhhhhhhh, haven't been blogging for a decade!!!!!!!!! lolx.
hmph, i relli gt nothin' to blog about, let me try uploadin' some pics i took frm the Motorshow i went a couple of weeks ago........
opps, it went up there, hehe...
well, nvr mind, at least i blogged for the day!!!!!

u frm qtss,
i frm the dss.
we can't meet,
what the hell ? SH!T!!!
u think its freakin' funny to stir shit up, makin' everybody believe yo bullshit?
now i tell u, b!tch, juz shut the fizzle up, grab shit, n eat then shit.
it was juz a mere praise,
n u freakin' turned it into a muthafreakin' big suit-case.
total nonsense,
wad a nuisance.

yeah, u have a girlfren,
n i noe its a freakin' trend,
but do u ever take me as a fren?
im in deep sh!t nw, if i ever see u,
pray that u don't end up in the icu.

i nvr liked her,
she juz looks like a magnificent white pearl.
n even if i do,
juz leave her wif no clue.
now i got explaining to do,
courtesy of u, FOOL!!!

its been a yr now,
since the freakin' first day of sch, wow,
i gt some time,
for me to rhyme,
to get thangs off my chest,
n nt let it become a pain-in-the-ass.
ain't goin' to name names,
this ain't no hall of shame,
this sh!t may be too lame,
juz treat it like a game.
its juz some confessions,
to relieve some freakin' tensions,
perhaps to attract some attention.

its easier to see,
when u'r e-d-d-y yee,
i feel so bad,
so sad,
that it makes me wanna fall straight flat.

perhaps im juz nt cool,
we were frm the same primary school.
u were a counceillor back then,
while i was some nobody back then.
this is the 2nd time we're in the same class,
maybe im juz too low class,
we nvr talked to each other no matter what occasion it was,
u behaved like a lady boss.
i din talk much,
bout u or ur frens, do u realli realli realli hate me that much?
why can't we juz talk,
with a spoon on the right hand n a folk
on the other,
under the shutter,
wif a whole grp of ppl.
its juz that simple,
im nt a irritating pimple,
i juz wanna have more frens.

its easier to see,
when u'r e-d-d-y yee,
i feel so bad,
so sad,
that it makes me wanna fall straight flat.

u said u hated me for 365 days or more,
m i realli such an irritating eyesore?
do i realli have so much flaws,
that make u hate me so much to the mutha-freakin' core?
its juz a lame ru-mour,
nt a cancer-causing tumour.
why take it so personal?
can't u be more reasona-
ble?
i heard u think im horny,
bt can u proof me some evident of this irony
statement?

its easier to see,
when u'r e-d-d-y yee,
i feel so bad,
so sad,
that it makes me wanna fall straight flat.

i noe u as a nice person,
but u treated me like enemy for no reason.
u got tranferred in here,
this yr,
i dont realli recall,
calling u names,
or did something very lame
infront of ur very eyes.
u think im p-e-r to the v-e-r-t,
some day i'll let u see,
that im juz a g-o-o to the d-b-o-y.
why muz it be like this?
m i realli such a beast?

its easier to see,
when u'r e-d-d-y yee,
i feel so bad,
so sad,
that it makes me wanna fall straight flat.

this ain't the yr of the dragon,
neither is it the yr of the b!tch,
i noe u'r filthy rich,
u got me a shirt n a cd,
u bein' a vc doesn't make u a vip,
so change that attitude of urs,
u ain't no big boss,
juz some normal sch girl who is at loss.

its easier to see,
if u'r e-d-d-y yee,
i feel so bad,
so sad,
that it makes me wanna fall straight flat.

now i got most things out,
its time for me to sign out.
n b4 u leave, rmb to scream out LOUD.

09:52